Sometimes you just want to know what someone is doing to achieve their success and sometimes you want every detail...that is this post. Although, what someone defines as success is different for each of us. I would say I have yet to reach my goals, but then again, my goals feel never-ending. I have just learned to live my goals in moments that happen in the NOW. That is all we really ever have.
I used to dwell in the past and I was so depressed. I was just an unhappy person. I'm not sure how my husband survived this with me, but he's still here. I also used to stay anxious and worried about my future. I finally read a book by Eckhart Tolle called The Power of Now...this book changed everything for me. I live in moments and practice gratitude but it hasn't always been that way for me.
I will start with the fact that I was an NSCA -Certified Personal Trainer for 6 years back in 2009-2015. I even obtained my Associates Degree in exercise science because I wanted to help women change their lives by lifting heavy. I have always loved to lift heavy and found it to be my anti-depressant until I started packing on the pounds as I neared my 40's. I swore my body hated me. I would give it my all in the gym, even started running and practicing for a marathon. My knees ached, IBS, SIBO, belly bloat, carpal tunnel syndrome, acne, suicidal. I was a WRECK. Then my period stopped at 40...seemed I was #perimenopausal at a young age. How could this be? I ate what I learned in sports nutrition and worked out hard. I decided to go back to school and studied holistic nutrition and hypnotherapy. I was determined to figure this out. I became a vegan. This had to be the answer, right? WRONG.
After drinking so many green juices and feeling even more depressed I started yoga. I won't lie, yoga relieved some pains for me, but not my carpal tunnel syndrome. It hurt so bad that I gave in and saw a surgeon. We scheduled my surgery because I was told that was the only thing that would help. I was told that nutrition would help me lose weight but not fix my wrist.
While waiting on wrist surgery I stepped on the scale and I weighed in at 251. This set me off because I promised myself I would NEVER weigh more than 250. With the yoga I honestly felt as if I had lost a few pounds and that is why I pulled the scale back out. I threw myself onto the bed in tears. My husband came up to me and reminded me how I had helped others with hypnosis and why couldn't I use that same modality on myself? He was right. I had just sat on my deck thinking of how I would take my life down behind a large oak in my back yard. I was so tired of feeling the way I felt. It would have been different if I hadn't been trying so hard.
I got up the next day and I made myself self-hypnosis mp3's talking to myself as if I had already achieved what I considered an optimal version of myself. I listened to that mp3 every single day. I then researched diets for inflammation to see if I could help my wrist. There it was, the words #KETO. It made me think of the low-carb diet I had tried with my mom when I was younger. She was successful on Atkins and so was I until my doctor told me it was killing my kidneys. So, he scared me and I quit only to be placed on blood pressure meds in my 20's. Imagine that. I could seriously go back and kick myself but it wasn't my fault. I was misinformed like most of us are. Humans should not have to learn how to eat. We have been lied to and misinformed so much that the only thing you can really trust is the signals from your OWN body and your own intuition.
I went to the library in December 2017 and checked out every book on keto I could get my hands on. Then I ordered every keto cookbook there was. I bought ingredients and went all in by January 2018. Guess what happened within weeks? I canceled my wrist surgery. I could feel my fingers again and the pain was gone. I had severe carpal tunnel syndrome just weeks before and now it was gone. Are you kidding me? My mom had both her wrists operated on in her 40's. If only she had stuck to Atkins. Then what else happened? My blood pressure dropped and I got off of my blood pressure meds that I had been on for over 20 years. WooooHooooo!!! I was never hungry, ever. I ate so much I could not believe I was healing and losing weight. By November 2018 I hit ONEderland down 61 pounds and felt as if I could fly. My acne was gone and IBS vanished. The IBS took the longest to heal as I was still under stress with finances. I had 2 grown daughters and 3 kids at home ages 11, 10, and 9 at the time. Life was crazy. It's crazy though, one day I realized I had achieved all that I said on my mp3. The mistake I made was that I never made a new one. That is something I am going to do here soon.
The one struggle I had over the years while doing keto was balancing electrolytes. I was salt shamed for so long when I had blood pressure issues. I was afraid of salt and fat. I had made peace with fat, but not salt. I will not go into too much detail except to say that you need to give your body time to adjust. I was such an impatient person and wanted results right freaking now. All of the years of the crap I put my body through and I wanted it to be healed quickly. What a jerk I was. I made peace with my body, finally. Even that takes a while. Just go sit with a person who can't walk, run, dance and you will start being really grateful for those legs of yours. I will say this, I drink 120 ounces of water daily with fresh lemon juice. I will not tell you about my 25mm kidney stone in this blog, but maybe soon. I will never get severely dehydrated again.
Somewhere in there I started fasting. I did 42 hours and when I ate again it was a disaster. I had no clue that I was fasting like a man. My weight-loss completely stopped, even when I stopped eating. I had shut my system down. I now use my moon phases since I am post-menopausal.
After giving keto a good run I started to drift on Halloween of 2019. I hit the candy bag hard. I also started a job where I walked a lot and would walk past bakeries. The cinnamon rolls were my kryptonite at the time. I just lost my balance for a while. The weight did not come back right away, it crept in like a thief in the night. Every time I tried to get my footing I would fall flat on my face once again. I am not sure how it happened but I heard the word carnivore. By this time in my keto attempts I was using so many crutches that I might as well had been eating SAD. I made every keto dessert, and treat you could name.
I'm not sure where but heard about carnivore. Then I found Kelly Hogan and read everything she had online. She lived near me at the time and there was going to be a meatup at a steakhouse and then guess what? COVID happened. No meatup. I would drift off and go back to keto again hoping for that magic I once had. No luck. I felt stuck in life all over again. How can something that once worked so well not work at all now. I see it over and over again in the groups. Honestly, it was most likely the fasting I did all wrong. I needed the fat for my hormones and I just shut them down. I would go back to carnivore and eat so much meat I would make myself feel sick. I would think I was killing myself and give up again. I never really gave my body that adjustment period I needed. I was so hyper focused on that damn scale. It controlled me. I was most likely healing and I thought nothing was working.
Then I ate butter by the sticks and pork belly and so much nausea. I repeated this off and on since 2020. I actually went back to SAD because I was giving up. The carpal tunnel syndrome started to come back, the blood pressure came back so I was back on meds. I was so disappointed in myself and I trusted no one. I also watched the scale creep back over 200 as the years passed. I would try keto, then carnivore, check my ketones and blood sugar. I did all the thyroid testing, cholesterol. You name it, I did it.
I realized I had hyperthyroidism. I couldn't blame my body after all I had placed on it. It didn't know what was up or down. I found a gut healing specialist and started adding back in fiber, protein, fruits and vegetables. Guess what happened? I got sick. I literally felt as if I couldn't walk from my car to my front door. My body hurt me so bad. How did I allow this to happen to me? For one, my nephrologist hated my carnivore diet. He told me to use Noom. Okay, so I did. Again, I did not want to kill my kidneys. I allowed others to scare me all of this time. Never again. Here I am carnivore for the 5th time. This time, I am doing something right. So many NSV's (non-scale victories) and the scale is moving. I feel ALIVE. I also find support in every way possible. I do Kelly Hogan's coaching groups to be around like-minded people and I watch every carnivore that I respect and admire. I always learn something new. I am constantly evolving and improving. I recently found the Steak and Butter Gang formed by Steak and Butter Gal (Bella). It feels like home to me.
I am going to stop here. There is so much to share but as a person who has and still suffers #ADHD I need to break it into sections. I just wanted to make my story available and where I come from. I eat, sleep, and breathe nutrition and my biggest desire in the world is to help you feel your absolute best. I know what it's like to be on the cold hard floor hating your very existence. TRUST ME!! There are better days ahead. One day you will just laugh for no reason at all. Just breathing will make you feel a happiness you can't describe. That's your cells being nourished and you deserve to be well nourished. I am not sure who needs to hear that, but I do. I did not feel worthy of healthy foods for the longest time. You are WORTHY!!!!! I scream that at you. Please reach out if you need to zoom chat over a cup of bone broth.
I am so excited to share my new test results and more about the carnivore journey. I will talk about my massive kidney stone that blocked my right kidney, blood pressure, #acne, #depression, #menopause, food food food, and so much more. I will also share some super cool hypnotherapy with you. Mind tripping deliciousness. Heck Yeah!!
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